He is hot and cold with me: talk to an astrologer about the pattern, not just his mood
When he is warm one week and distant the next, the swing itself is the thing to understand before asking whether he loves you.
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He calls me every night for two weeks, then suddenly goes cold for days. Then he is sweet again like nothing happened. Does he love me or is he playing with me?
That push and pull is exhausting. I cannot see his heart, but I can look at your Moon and the period you are in, and we can talk about what you need from him. Please share your birth date, time and place.
Short answer
Hot and cold behaviour, also called mixed signals or breadcrumbing, does not prove he loves you or that he does not. It shows a pattern of closeness and distance that is worth naming. An astrologer can read your Moon, 7th house and running period, and talk through what you want from here. On Kismo, verified astrologers read this by chat or call, online from anywhere.
What are the key facts about does he love me?
| Answer | |
|---|---|
| The situation | He is warm and attentive, then distant or slow to reply, again and again |
| Other names | Mixed signals, push and pull, breadcrumbing, on-again off-again |
| How common cycling is | About two in three people go through at least one on-off relationship 1 |
| What an astrologer checks | Your Moon, your 7th house and Venus, and the dasha you are running |
| What a reading cannot do | Tell what he feels on a given day, or make him consistent |
| Session on Kismo | From ₹15 a minute, 5 free minutes in the first session, online from anywhere in India and abroad |
What does an astrologer check when he is hot and cold?
- Your Moon. Brihat Parashara Hora Shastra 3.12 makes the Moon the planet of the mind, so many astrologers read how strongly the swings affect you through it 4.
- Your 7th house and Venus. These show how you relate to a partner, and whether your chart leans toward intense or steady bonds.
- Your running dasha and antardasha. Some periods are read as unsettled for relationships, which helps separate your timing from his behaviour.
- His chart, if he shared his real details. Two Moons in tension are often read as two people who need very different amounts of closeness.
- What you want to decide. The reading is more useful when you ask whether to stay, talk or step back, not what he feels today.
What changes the answer when he keeps going hot and cold?
- How long the cycle has run. Two cold weeks in a new connection read very differently from a year of breaking up and getting back together.
- Whether you are dating, committed or engaged. The same distance means less in an early talking stage than after promises about marriage.
- What happens in the cold phases. Busy and still kind is one thing; silence that leaves you anxious for days is another.
- Whether you know your birth time. Without it, many astrologers turn to prashna, a chart for the moment you ask.
How common are hot and cold relationships?
Hot and cold relationships are very common: about two in three people go through at least one on-off relationship, says relationship researcher René Dailey 1. Her book draws on student, community and online samples to reach that figure 1. So the pattern you are in is shared by many, and it is not a sign that something is wrong with you.
A smaller form of the pattern now has its own name, breadcrumbing: sending just enough signals to keep someone interested without committing. In a 2020 study of 626 Spanish adults aged 18 to 40, 35.6% had been breadcrumbed in the past year 2. Almost as many, 36.7%, admitted doing it to someone else 2.
| Finding | Number | Source |
|---|---|---|
| People with at least one on-off relationship | About two in three | 1 |
| Breadcrumbed in the past 12 months | 35.6% of 626 adults | 2 |
| Breadcrumbed someone else in the past 12 months | 36.7% | 2 |
| Breadcrumbed more than 5 times in a year | 5.1% | 2 |
The anxious longing that hot and cold behaviour stirs up is not the same as love. In a review of romantic love, the obsessive part of love was linked with lower satisfaction in long relationships, even as it went with higher satisfaction early on 3. Calm, steady romantic feeling was what went with happier long-term couples 3.
Kismo is an app where you talk to verified Vedic astrologers by chat or call, in 16 languages. An astrologer there can read your Moon and current period, help you separate your timing from his behaviour, and talk it through in your language. An astrologer cannot tell what he feels, make him steady, or replace a counsellor. If the swings come with insults, threats or control, please speak to a counsellor or someone you trust. For threats or any danger, call Women Helpline 181, or 112 in an emergency 5.
Should I keep waiting when he is hot and cold?
Waiting through hot and cold phases makes sense only if you can name what would change your mind. These questions help you decide, with or without a reading.
- Have you told him plainly what the cold phases do to you, and how did he respond?
- Does he make plans with you in the warm phases, or only reach out when it suits him?
- Are you sleeping, eating and working normally, or does the waiting take over your week?
- Would you be glad if the next three months looked exactly like the last three?
- Is there a date by which you want a clear answer from him, not from the stars?
What do people get wrong about this?
Belief: If he keeps coming back, it proves he loves you.
Returning can come from many things, from habit to loneliness. About two in three people have cycled through an on-off relationship, so coming back is common, not a special sign 1.
Belief: The more anxious you feel about him, the deeper the love.
A review of romantic love found its obsessive side went with lower satisfaction in long relationships, while calm romantic love went with higher 3.
Before you pay anyone
How do you know an astrologer is genuine?
- Every Kismo astrologer passes four steps: qualification review, panel interview, live audits of real sessions, 30-day probation.
- Nobody can guarantee an outcome. Treat any promise of a fixed result as a red flag.
- Never pay for an expensive puja or ritual under pressure. Get a second opinion first.
- On Kismo you only pay for the minutes you use; misconduct, pressure or a request for money outside the app is handled by a person.
Which astrologers can I talk to about does he love me?
- Jyothsna Gosala
Tarot Reading, Life Coach · 1 yrs
English, Telugu, Hindi
★ 4.5 · 5,992 orders · ₹25/min
How does a consultation on Kismo work?
- Log in on kismo.app or get the app from Google Play.
- Pick an astrologer who speaks your language and works with your question.
- Share your date, time and place of birth.
- Ask by chat or call. The first session carries 5 free minutes, then each minute is billed from your wallet.
Questions worth asking in the session
- How do you read my Moon, and why do these swings hit me so hard?
- Is my current dasha a settled or an unsettled period for relationships?
- With both our charts, do we need very different amounts of closeness?
- What should I ask him directly before I decide whether to wait?
What should I know before booking a session about does he love me?
| Question | Answer |
|---|---|
| What does a session cost? | Each astrologer sets one rate for chat and call, from ₹15 a minute. A 10-minute session at ₹15 a minute costs ₹150 (October 2026). |
| Is the first session free? | 5 free minutes on the first session, no card. |
| Chat or call? | Both. You choose when you start the session. |
| Do I need an exact birth time? | It helps. Without one an astrologer can still read your Moon sign and planets by sign, or work out the time with you. |
| Is my chat private? | Your chat is not shown to other clients. How Kismo handles your data is set out in its privacy policy at kismo.app/privacy. |
| What if I am not happy? | There is no refund for a reading you did not like. Misconduct, pressure or a request for money outside Kismo is handled by a person. |
| Where does it work? | Online, from anywhere in India and abroad. People use Kismo from 80+ countries. |
What else do people ask an astrologer about?
How does Kismo compare with other apps?
Questions people ask
Why is he so hot and cold with me?
He may be hot and cold for many reasons, such as fear of commitment, stress, other options or simply a different need for space. Only he can say which. Astrology can describe your own pattern and timing, not his reasons. The most useful step is often to tell him what the cold phases do to you and watch his response.
What does it mean when a guy is hot and cold?
When a guy is hot and cold, it can mean he is interested but unsure, or that he is keeping you as an option. Consistent effort over months tells you more than any single warm or cold week. If his interest only shows when it suits him, it is fair to ask for more or to step back.
Which planet in my chart makes me attract hot and cold partners?
No single planet decides that, though many astrologers look at the Moon, Venus and the 7th house together. Brihat Parashara Hora Shastra makes the Moon the planet of the mind, so its condition is read for how you feel in a relationship. The running dasha is checked too, because periods are read as calmer or more restless.
Is breadcrumbing the same as being hot and cold?
Breadcrumbing is one kind of hot and cold behaviour: small, irregular signals that keep you hoping without any commitment. Hot and cold is wider and can include real closeness followed by real distance. In one Spanish study, about a third of adults had been breadcrumbed in the past year, so it is a common experience.
He is hot and cold. What do I do, and how long do I wait?
Wait only as long as you can name what you are waiting for. Pick a clear marker, such as a direct conversation or a plan to meet family, and a time limit that suits you. An astrologer can say which periods in your chart look steadier, but the decision about your time is yours.
What does a reading about mixed signals cost on Kismo?
A 15-minute reading about mixed signals costs ₹225 at the lowest rate on Kismo, where each astrologer sets one rate for chat and call from ₹15 a minute (October 2026). The first session carries 5 free minutes, with no card needed. You pay per started minute from your wallet, and unused money stays there.
An astrologer says a ritual can make him stop going cold. Should I pay?
No. No ritual can control another person's behaviour, and pressure to pay for one is a red flag. On Kismo, an astrologer who pressures you or asks for money outside the app is reported as misconduct and a person handles it. If you still want to try a ritual, get a second opinion first and start with simple, free practices.
Talk to an astrologer about does he love me
Kismo is an app where you talk to verified Vedic astrologers by chat or call, in 16 languages.
On an iPhone, log in on kismo.app in your browser.
Where do these facts come from?
- Description and prevalence of on-again/off-again relationships (René M. Dailey), chapter 1 in On-Again, Off-Again Relationships, Cambridge University Press. Accessed .
- Ghosting and breadcrumbing: prevalence and association with online dating behavior among young adults (Navarro, Larrañaga, Yubero and Víllora, 2020), Escritos de Psicología 13(2), via Redalyc. Accessed .
- Does a long-term relationship kill romantic love? (Acevedo and Aron, Review of General Psychology 13(1), 2009), American Psychological Association (copy hosted by Psychology Today). Accessed .
- Brihat Parashara Hora Shastra, chapter 3 (planets), verse 12, Enjoy Learning Sanskrit. Accessed .
- India's Commitment to Women's Safety (29 March 2025), Ministry of Women and Child Development, Press Information Bureau. Accessed .
